I’m never taking the rubbish out again….

Ok, that is not true but only because no one wants to live in a rubbish tip. After last nights experience I am feeling a little bitter. Ok, a lot bitter and grumpy. I went to take out the rubbish, managed to go down the five flights of stairs no problem (as you would expect from an able bodied 30 something year old) and then as I came out the front door , fell down the last stair and landed on my backside on the floor, rubbish everywhere while three men just stood and stared at me. Once they realised I actually wasn’t getting back up they came over to help me and I scrambled off back into the house whereupon I burst into tears and spent about five minutes trying to get back upstairs without putting any weight on my right ankle. Not easy, may I add, when your stairs are slippy and uneven and you are crying like a little girl. So…….basically I have a nasty sprain, my ankle looks like it swallowed a tennis ball and I can do NO dancing and NO Crossfit for the next week at least. I am trying very hard not to have a breakdown at this thought and so I decided to distract myself with countless (more) episodes of House and this delightful recipe:

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No, I am not claiming to have invented green sludge on brown frisbee, I invented avocado, garlic tuna delight on homemade crispbread. Much catchier I think you’ll agree. It is actually delicious and this is how you too can make a feast for your eyes and your stomach…….

In a bowl mix together a tablespoon of flax seed, a little salt, some dried basil and half a cup of wholemeal flour. Add a quarter cup of warm water and mix into a dough. Roll it out on to some foil and put it in the oven for about ten minutes or until brown and, well, crispy.

While it is cooking, get your food processor out and chuck the following things into it:

Five garlic cloves
A grated carrot
Two handfuls of spinach
Some rock salt
A tin of tuna (drained)
One medium avocado

Zoom,zoom, zoom all the ingredients together until it is like a paste. Spread half of the mixture on to your crispbread and enjoy! I also added a tonne of hot sauce to mine but then there about five foods in the world I wouldn’t add hot sauce to so that is no surprise.

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Now I am sitting with my foot in a bucket of freezing cold water. What can I say, it’s nothing but fun times with me.

Happy Monday everyone, may you not fall down the stairs.

Natalie

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‘No Boyfriend…That’s NOT Your Picture On My Phone’

Natalie’s metro musings for the day

So…..picture the scene…I am on the metro on my way home from work and, as I am almost Spanish now, I look over the shoulder of the man next to me to see what he is reading ( I was bored of the other man’s newspaper article – I had got to the end and he rudely hadn’t turned the page yet). I realise he is just on whatsapp (now owned by Facebook?!!!! Get lost Fb, you can’t have everything because you’ll just change it non stop) and his Whatsapp conversation is really dull – ok, the screen was too small and I couldn’t see it. Finally he closes his whatsapp and it returns to his home screen, bear with me this is where it gets more interesting, and on the screen there is a really hot woman. Or, more accurately, there was a killer naked female body lying on her side looking curvy as all hell. No head though. Fair enough?! We don’t need heads do we? I mean what do we use them for that would interest a man? Oh wait….that is a different web page. Moving on. So I am thinking ‘fair dos, the man has good taste in naked headless women’ (who doesn’t?), look down and think ‘oh, he’s wearing nice shoes’, realise it is my stop and get off. So does he. With his girlfriend. Who is definitely not the lady on his home screen and trust me, I don’t know this because she was also naked, it was just glaringly obvious. So my question to you dear readers is this…..do you think that’s a little messed up? If you were her would you be annoyed? I have to confess I felt slightly outraged for a minute and then I suddenly thought ‘even for the love of my life, my Shemar Moore photo wouldn’t be going anywhere’

Oops, sorry Shemar, I meant ‘even for my second best love of my life, my Shemar Moore photo wouldn’t be going anywhere’. But then that would be different, really different – Shemar would never be headless in my photo.

February Blues?

Is it a thing? I think it is a thing. I am at that stage where, even though I adore them, going to dance class or Crossfit or singing is a complete effort. Once I am there I am happy as Larry yet despite the fact that I know this, I still feel like The world is one half of the Velcro and I am the other half anytime I try to go anywhere (worst description ever yet I am not editing it out…..). Basically it is hard to motivate myself. I hate the super dark mornings and the grey skies and the rain blah blah blah. For some reason it doesn’t bother me in December or January because December is Christmas madness and I love Christmas and then January is all ‘new year, new outlook’ but then comes the dreaded February. Too long after Christmas to have residual feelings of joy and too far away from Easter holidays to be thinking about chocolate and not working. Basically what I am saying is I need a good old night out of dancing to classic hip hop and some laughs to jerk me out of my February slumber. Either that or I am going to put forward a motion that February be scrapped all together. We could have another month instead called natember where women don’t have to pay for anything and hot men hold the door open for us everywhere we go. That would help with my blues. Just a thought.

Any good ides for an alternative February?

What’s That You Are Reading?

Well, I am so glad you asked because it is very, very good……. I am currently reading Unknown Man #89 by the master himself, Elmore Leonard. If you don’t know who he is, check out this website or look him up on Wikipedia. He is the guy behind one of my favourite TV shows, Justified, but long before that he wrote a whole mountain of amazing novels. I bet that even if you think you don’t know any of his work, you’ll have seen one of the movies based on his books: ‘Get Shorty’, ‘Out of Sight’, ‘Jackie Brown’ to name a few. I always wanted to be able to write like him and tried for so long to have that same, super cool style but it didn’t come naturally to me unfortunately and so now I just take delight in reading his books instead and feeling a little jealous inside! Unfortunately he died in August of last year but the man will remain a genius and one of the best crime writers ever for…well, forever. I hope you read one of his books if you haven’t already.

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The other book there is what I have lined up for afterwards….lent to me by my physio and recommended by lots of people….I actually don’t know what it is called in English but it is meant to be great…all about a nut house – not the technical term I am sure. So once I get into it I will report back. In the meantime go and read an Elmore book, you won’t regret it.

Natalie

I’ll Take That Astronaut Suit in Purple Please?

My throat is killing me……I know that recently I have been moaning about being sick but it seems like everyone has a cold and they can’t get rid of it. This year has been extreme for me but now my ear is all blocked and making it very sore to swallow. So I have decided that maybe next year I will wear an astronaut suit all winter long to maintain a constant temperature and avoid all these nasty colds. Yes, it may make it a little hard to eat my lunch and no, I’ve never seen anyone do a hang clean with such a big bit of head gear but what are my alternatives…..at this stage I am just fighting off the desire to stick a cotton bud really far in my ear and to be honest the only reason I’m scared to do it is in case it actually does come out the other side and I’ll no longer be able to kid myself that I actually am a genius in disguise (disguised as the worlds hottest woman of course, I can’t believe you didn’t already know).

So yes, space suit for me next year….unless any of you can come up with a more genius plan?

Didn’t think so.

It was always going to be a hard one to beat.

Natalie

Ow, Ow, Ow…oh and here’s a quinoa recipe

MAN ALIVE

MAN ALIVE

The blog no longer hates me but my glutes certainly do. A day of Crossfit plus another day of dance class and Crossfit and I can already tell that tomorrow is going to be one of those days where you want to avoid standing up and/or sitting down as much as possible. Holy moly, just thinking of all the stairs in the metro…..let’s just say, if this was a magazine article the pages would be all wet and doing that rank thing where they stick together and then just come off stuck to your thumb.

There are a lot of stairs. And not a lot of disabled people on the metro either…hmmmmm…correlation anyone?

So…enough moaning….look what I made!

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And it actually tastes like a little slice of heaven. Here is what you need:

A courgette
A pack of mushrooms
Eight garlic cloves
Onion (if you want, I left it out cos I didn’t feel like crying)
A red pepper
A cup of quinoa
A huge chicken breast…ok, two normal will do fine
Olive oil, salt and pepper

Here is what you do:

Rinse the quinoa and put it in a pot with about two cups of water. Leave it to simmer until it is cooked. note- I like the red stuff the best, it is crunchier
In the meantime chop all your veggies and chuck them in a bowl with two tablespoons of olive oil, salt and pepper and mix it all around until they are coated. Place them on a foil lined tray in the oven and roast until they are cooked through – I like mine a little burnt.
You can do it with the chicken at the same time if you like; as in mix them all together but I like to add rosemary to my chicken but don’t like it on the veggies so I do it separately. Entirely up to you.
When the quinoa, veggies and chicken are all done mix them up together in a bowl and serve……et voila!

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I hope you comment to tell me how excited you are to make it!

And I also hope I can walk tomorrow.

Ciao for now!

Natalie

I’m sorry for neglecting you (again) blog

I feel like since Christmas I have been a really bad blogger.  I have gone from blogging regularly to once or twice (ok, mainly once) a week.  I worry that the blogging social services are going to come and take it away from me and send it to a home for blogs.  I hope it doesn’t fall in with a bad crowd.

So here I am with my  reasons for being a bad blogger:

I am in the process of flat hunting 

Flat hunting is one of those things that I start out really excited about – ‘ooooh, I wonder how gorgeous/huge/sunny/modern all the flats will be???’ – and then quickly lose all excitement when I realise that ‘modern’ usually means built after the 1950s , ‘bright and sunny’ usually means there is one window in the living room and none anywhere else in the house, ‘luxury’ means that they have stuck those squiggly Ikea mirrors up everywhere and you feel like Bruce Lee in the final scenes of Enter the Dragon, and the ‘balcony’ is big enough for one potted plant and actually faces a wall.  So, needless to say I have a seen a few and was slowly coming round to the idea of just getting a big cardboard box and setting up house next to the crazy homeless man down the street but then I remembered he won’t have wifi so it was clearly a stupid idea.  However, I think I may have finally found ‘The One’.  I don’t want to speak too soon and hex myself but it is looking good….loads of fitted wardrobes, nice modern kitchen, pool for summer….I am hoping to finally find the flat that I can stay in for the foreseeable future and not have to move every single year – not that I don’t love lugging furniture up and down five flights of stairs of course.

And then when Shemar Moore and I get married, we will clearly get a bigger place together.

I am just waving goodbye to my third cold of the winter

Yup, three colds.  Yesterday I hardly had any voice, today I sound like a truck driver, last week I had to quit my juice detox, I haven’t been to Crossfit/dancing for 10 days and still sound a little like Darth Vader when I climb the stairs…for all you Luke’s out there I am not your Father.  So enough is enough, today I will return to Crossfit (but take it easy obviously) and I have checked the WOD and am positively thrilled to report that it includes two of my favourite things: hand stand push-ups and box jumps.  All that is missing is wall balls and I would currently be in the corner rocking backwards and forwards.

I borrowed the HOUSE box set from my parents

When one episode finishes, another one starts automatically.  You can’t stop it.

And there it is.  I think you will agree they are all very valid reasons and that blog social services don’t have a leg to stand on.

Tomorrow I will be back (NO LIE) with a delicious quinoa recipe that I invented over the weekend so until then…

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Natalie

Do you like flat hunting?